life, love, philosophy

This Story That Never Was

So much left unsaid in this story that never was, the life, the love unlived. All those things I should never have said. All those things I almost said and then didn’t. All the mistakes, misunderstandings, misleadings, misplacements, mis…

All that was missed. Is missed. Will forever be missed.

The opportunity that wasn’t sized. The sentence that wasn’t spoken. The desire that wasn’t stilled. The hand that wasn’t held. The breath before the kiss that was never inhaled… Wasn’t, wasn’t, wasn’t.

The bone breaks, it grows back stronger. The heart breaks it grows back fonder.

It’s over, this story that never was, so let go and move on.

I do.

And only in those silent fragile moments I allow myself to feel the pain. Let it wash over me and carry me away. And then, again I close the door and try not to look at it, try not to remember what is behind it. Try to distance myself from it.

And now here I am, folding up my arms, closing up my heart. Knowing the feeling is still there, the piece of my heart you ran off with will never be mine again.

You’ll always be under my skin but I try not to feel it.

I will get away with it. I will be okay. You will be okay.

Blindfolded I walk along the abyss and look the other way. Because I have to. Because forgiven does not mean forgotten. Because you led me on and you know but will never admit it.

I was wrong. You were too.

This story that never was is all about quantum entanglement and energy that comes in waves and hearts that break and a life that should have been and too many what ifs.

You know. Just like I do.

The bone breaks, it grows back stronger. The heart breaks it grows back fonder.

Thousands of tiny blades in a line between your skin and mine. But it will be okay, I will be okay.

No sense in turning on all the lights now. Hold my love in your hands but don’t make me come into full view, let the distance shelter what we both know.

This is what will never be mine and all those words come undone.

But I’ll get away. I will be okay.