Are we energy? Do we send out vibes so strong someone else can feel them even from a vast distance? Is it possible that two people share a spiritual link? And if so do both feel it? And how come?
The one person I would want to ask that, trusting she knows and would tell me the truth, is dead since 43 years. But if I put that question out into the universe, she might listen and smile?
I grew up to tales of my grandmother, who died when I was barely four years old, having been a witch. I listened to adults talking about how she had healed by just laying her hands on someone. There were stories about her garden of herbs in which she cultivated plants no one really knew and from which she mixed strange balms and teas. I learned that while the whole village came to her for help and cure my entire family didn’t trust her with so much like asking for something against a simple cough. Even her early and very sudden death at 59 was allegedly based on her witchcraft.
I missed my grandmother throughout my whole life and still do. During that short time I knew her she gave me warmth and the distinct feeling to be very welcome in her world. I never feared her, and there was always delicious chicken soup which we ate in the kitchen. Growing up I spent many hours wondering if she really had been a witch, and if so if witches in general maybe were kind although adults called them evil.
Today, I think all of these tales, often told in hushed voices with a quick glance at my direction when I was a kid, all the eerie feelings woven around them, made me deny a spirituality that still refused to die within me.
I kept my silence and raised an eyebrow when my mother told me the moment my father died she saw him all flashed in light in front of her. I didn’t utter a word when a friend of mine talked about her twin and how they would have a bond that made them know how the other was at each given moment. I called it coincidence every time I had a sudden and unbased idea how something would turn out that became a reality sometime later.
But going on in this fashion of a „disbeliever“ what am I to make of the moments in which all of a sudden I feel a wave of strange energy wash over me and someone not there is here like a presence in my room? In which my heart starts to run with my blood like wild horses and my breath looses its rhythm? While all my thoughts crash into another before they focus? While I feel someone else’s energy like a heatwave roling over and through me again and again?
I have tried, but there seems to be no protection against it. The phenomenom strikes as it pleases, it never aks if it’s „convenient“ right now. I wanted to deny it but it’s larger than me. This sounds so unreal to you? Go on, be my guest and call me a nutcase. I’m probably the first who will tell you that you’re right. But what if?
What if we are energy that can reach out for someone and be reached? Energies, that can form a bond so strong no distance can cut through it? Energy, that manifests itself in a feeling we can’t explain and not even understand? What if?
I wish I could question my grandmother about this. Whatever she might say, it would make me feel less insecure, less shaken to my bones. And then, maybe, I could start to believe in this spiritual energy that might livewith in me.