Last night I turned out the light. It was a long way I had walked to get there, full of hope and mistreatment, loyalty and decay. And love. Because in the end it’s all about love.
Last night I turned out the light, and today I’m left with a hollowness, a void, an absence.
The signs were there, coming at me since long. First subtle ones, then they grew clearer, bigger, stronger. At last they were highlighted in blazing neon. Yet it took me so long to see. Well, maybe not to see them but to give them my whole attention.
Hope dies last, and maybe love never does. But even if someone refuses to be clear about feelings and expectations towards you there comes the day when things have added up to an extent that you have to face what is said or not said in the silence that stretches between both of you.
And there’s only so much you can take. So much cold shoulder, so much not explaning, so much hurting, so much ghosting.
So, last night, piece by piece I took that complicated heart appart, hoping to find something I can prove is real, something I can feel is truth. And then I turned out the light.
I’m left with millions of questions and no answers. And maybe we are just so much more different than alike. Maybe it’s a bucket full of misunderstandings that will never be cleared. Maybe it simply has died long ago and I cradled a body without feeling the cold.
I am lucky I knew someone who is so hard to say good-bye to. I’ll survive the hurt. And I’ll make the good stay with me, the memories of precious moments, especially the one when these eyes swam in tears and the face showed me nothing but regret.
But for now I turned out the light.
I can’t walk away just like that. I will forever go on to care. I will always be on her side. My love is deep and real and unfaltering. I still stand at that closed door, my hand on the handle.
And no one knows what life has in store.
But for now I turned out the light.